swim

a tiger can never change his stripes. countless attempts and look at how low i've sunk. the worst part is... there's no one else to blame. im done and its time. what to do with a tiger... the only thing i should have done a long time ago, leave him be with all his appeals... and stripes.

selfexplanatory

I wish I could believe you then I'll be alright

But now everything you told me really don't apply

To the way I feel inside

Loving you was easy once upon a time

 But now my suspicions of you have multiplied
Just can't seem to get over the way you hurt me
I thought I could forgive you and I know you've changed
As much as I wanna trust you I know it ain't the same
And it's all because you lied

I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment

I know she was attractive but I was here first...

p.s.

when my dreams turn into nightmares and sleeping becomes a habit i resist the most.. that's when i know being with you is unhealthy. yet everytime i try to make a run from you, i lost all the reasons i have listed on my mind.

i hope one day you'll read this and realize how much you've hurt me.

sluuuuuuttttt

you have made me hate:

1. Jakarta
2. Finland
3. Finnish girls
4. Brunettes
5. The letter 'L'
6. Sydney
7. Senayan City
8. Kemang
9. Your room
10. Your kitchen
11. Your car
12. Your house
13. Vincent
14. George
15. Laura
16. Lauren
17. Rebecca
18. The slut
19. You (sometimes)
20. Myself

and everything else that reminds me of it.. I feel angry all the time and it's exhausting. I need some peace but i cant seem to find it..

"Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because it’s the only person who will ever receive all of you. After that, you learn better. But, most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved - a piece no future lover could ever get, no matter what. That piece holds innocence - the belief that love really can last forever. It holds friendship and pain, trial and error, that one kiss you’ll never forget and that night under the stars you can never get back. It holds youth and everything you thought love would be. Everything that was proven wrong"

i guess im going to be seconded again from now on.

let's see how long this will last...

so easy at times

HEYA CHIPMUNK!

white smoke

with cigarettes... it's so easy to kill the stick, but the smell will still linger for much longer

and that's how it is.

stop

it's

e

x

haus

t

i

n

g

i feel like crying all the time.

red rectangle room

the walls are getting colder as i lay my forehead against them. i refrain from falling asleep and as i rest my head back onto the pillow, the coldness seeps through the cranium...numbing my brain. delightful!

but then, your skin....

The funny thing is nobody ever really knows how much anyone is hurting. We could be standing next to somebody who is completely broken and we wouldn't even know.

i dont know if i can.......anymore

kebeb sakit :(

kwek, get well sooooooon

lice in lies

you say with her there's nothing......... bullshit.

even they knew you two were a blooming scandal.

heaven and hell

take it slow, baby. this time we'll take it sloooooow.

make me forget

a stylist can tell when someone's attire is mismatched,

a lawyer will always see the world in black or white,

a musician spots the misplaced tempo during a concert,

a scientist always questions matters to the core, or even beneath that.

i have only realized that when one masters a profession, it starts picking out the negatives too instead of simply admiring the experience. maybe this is why you can hardly find a stressed out toddler. unlike adults trapped in their own subject, toddlers see and appreciate. when they see colours, they're happy even when the blue clashes with green or red. they dont think an animal is going to die and rot on the ground, they discover life in another creature. nownow, who does not want to go back to that age? all that knowledge we're thrust upon... they only give us the power to analyze and what i've learned from that is to be a pessimist. but then again;

a liar will never trust others, nor will s/he be able to

it hurts to not know.. but sometimes it hurts more to know.

just listen, dont hear

if you push me one more time, i'm going to fall and you wont be able to catch me.

i'll be slipping through your fingers like water and sand, and when you realize, i'll just be another remains on your skin

it's not about the heart no more. my soul is a ticking bomb.

words lost words

What made you fall in love with a prostitute?

I think it was because, knowing that your body would never be mine alone, I had to concentrate on conquering your soul.

5 more minutes

do you know that point where you are right on the edge, exactly one second away from a downhill roller coaster ride? it's terrifying, and i always wish the cart would stop and slowly retreat. all that excitement as i queued to go on the ride would evaporate and a rush of regret flows in. but what the fuck did i expect? i nodded to the choice of adventure and i should have known that it will come in a package of two: ups and downs. life is a parachute jump; taking a chance, falling over and getting up. i should be prepared to go the whole way, instead of avoiding the bends and turns. it's not abnormal to feel nauseated as one rides through life. but if i believe that the track is my destiny and that the cart is a reliable toy that will eventually stop, i might as well enjoy the view and relish the butterflies.

the world is a theme park, and i'd choose a roller coaster ride anytime instead of littering my time away going around and around on the carousel.

the heart is what matters most of all.

-Kris Kristofferson

choux pastry heart

commitment; uni family relationship.

the first one is the worst, haa. just missed another class today due to misread schedules. the elevator took me away and i need to be grounded. i regret it, i actually like today's class.. we learn about the history of fashion. my previous blog stated that the past has no bond with the future. but i forgot to mention that the past also needs to be understood, but we have to live for the future. so, i guess i i need to close in on the neglected class. first priority.

i miss them so. 11,713.3 km laid between us, and i need to be by my sisters' side. the first one needs me, her lover is moving away. distance does ruin things, especially when there is no commitment. he's crazy about her and i'm so happy to hear that. i just want to give her a big cuddly hug for strength. the second one, she's blooming and im not there to witness. she's learning about new things without me :')

nownow, the third commitment: i'm rooted to the ground. but the other one's is split into two; the past and me. he slipped too. he says its me, but his safekeeping of the last always make me question it. how can one chooses the present when one's priorities show otherwise? 40 minutes phone calls, only to falsely finalise the relationship with me. he claims its his way of making her wipe the fingerprints off, but he's purblind. more attention --> moremoremoremoreanditwillneverend. there is no election required, but it hurts too much to be the second one to you.

i'm spun out too far, need to get the balance right again or it's going to be a raft below the falls.

unforgettable and the unexceptional.

get the order right, or its a floating population.

i find satellites funny. satellites circle around one focus but forbidden to even put a finger out on it. banned to stray away yet illegal to any contact.

ah, the writing got suspended. quack.

where was i? satellites... as i was saying, it has a lifetime too. you can't extend it too far or it'll crack. but so do i, remember that.

quackquack.

all that noise around here.

yea, i'll be true to you - no matter what you do.

one would assume that the past is faithful. you can never move or erase it. but what i understood was that it stays, right there. no attachment to the existing. but in this case, i guess it does.

i can live with one slip. but she moves like water through every crack, every gap until there is no more room for me to even gasp. how can i escape? what do you want? there is no green light for me but at the same time you won't let go of that chain on your back.

i know i dont need to be in his thoughts. i'll be fine with my own. but if this lane was to be settled on, im no chameleon no more. blending into the background, it's tiring. it'll be a rise and fall to flee his chamber but i'm willing to take the risk with two things in tow; time and space.

last thing, let me go.. i don't want to be discovered. one last camouflage and i'll reappear one day.

it's an empty shell.

don't stay there.................... i'm letting go.

magneticcccccc

it's 2010....

and people are still wondering why resolutions are hardly effective. an adjustment needs to be done. stop writing lists of things i wanna achieve. instead, dive in to do them. lists stuck on the fridge wont do me any good - but an act surely will. no more resolutions for me..

guess what, ive decided to rebuild the fence that came down sometime ago. just to be safe :)