what's yours?

Two days ago i bought a post secret book. overwhelmed with excitement, i turned the cover page and found a written secret next to the title of the book;

Today was the first time i skipped, and its deffinitely not my last!

at first i thought it was printed, but i sniffed and i could smell the ballpoint and i could feel the jagged trace of writings at the back. 

i was happy -> i felt complete.

decipher this; easy

5 times. 

2 weeks. 

uncountable graphics.

mellifluous yet witty comments. 

still in love. sigh.

my legs have definitely been amputated. 

clone him, please.

move over bloom, ROBERT PATTINSON is taking over my heart slowly and painfully. 

honestly, even i found this obsession so absurd. i have never been this preoccupied with a celebrity before. yes, i think orlando bloom is hot. but to prove you wrong, i have never downloaded a handful of pictures of him off the net. on the other hand, all my friends have witnessed how pattinson is taking over all the technologies i own - handphone, laptop, my mechanic brain (?). haa stop me now, or i will literally break my legs from falling in love with him. 

on the lighter note, twilight. probably on countless number of female blogs lately. a vampire who fell in love with a human. cliche story, predictable ending. yet i read the book and felt immense connection to it. i started thinking about what type of guy i like and i found most in this particular character, edward cullen that is. here is the list (not in order):

1. introvert -  if i were to pick one out of a group, i would probably go for the one who sits nicely in the corner, listening to what other guys have to boast about. 
2. polite - must know how to treat a woman. MUST.
3. looks - doesn't have to be overly beautiful nor charming. but good.
4. passionate - either about loving me, or about anything. i love a guy who has something he can talk about with fire in his eyes. 
5. optimistic
6. protective - i love jealousy in a guy, but not in excess. i love someone who can be jealous but still can laugh about it. 
7. mature - edward is obviously mature enough to know his responsibilities and consequences. 
8. romantic - no poets or roses, but surprise me :)
9. mysterious - what more can i say? unambiguity bores me. 
10. intelligent - i want to be able to talk about my complicated thoughts in my complex mind without him staring at me blankly. 
11. good taste - in clothes, car, music. 
12. dance - slow dance from side to side is dull, stupefy me with his moves ;)
13. EYES - rob pattinson has the nicest set of eyes, very intricate yet beautiful. 
14. strong - no superman. strong enough to carry me at least. 
15. bone structure - sounds scary, but i want to be able to trace his jawline with my finger. 

... long list, eh? ill add to it when i can think of more. sounds like the average list any girl would want, but i think i would want it a tad more. 

for you

mungkin kau tak menyadari

ku selalu memandangmu

namun tak terucap kata

saat kau ada di dekatku 

andai saja, kau membaca

rahasia isi di hatiku 

setiap saat, setiap waktu

kucoba tepis bayangmu

namun aku tak berdaya

kau selalu indah untukku 

andai saja, kau membaca

rahasia isi di hatiku

mungkinkah kau kumiliki 

seperti mimpiku, seperti khayalku 

namun ku tak sanggup ungkapkan 

ini menyiksaku, melemahkan hatiku

sampai kapan ku bertahan

tuk memendam perasaan

i read my previous post and fell deep into a hole full of jumbled up letters. i couldn't understand what i was trying to say. 

h.e.l.p. my mind is playing games with me.

i need more time.

just yesterday, one of my other friends lost his father.  

which reminded me of this image - the pattern of light portrays how we are living at the moment. Too fast, hurts the eye and noone knows at what point it will end. Sometimes that's how I feel and view my life. Although many might say that I've done some bad deeds (esp. my parents), when someone ask me a question on the most extreme thing ive done, it will take me awhile to come up with a slightly good enough answer. Is that how boring my life has been? just a straight, bright line with a point at the end? i can say i've been through a lot. but anyone can say that, cant they? I'm starting to lose the sense of how much is 'a lot'. 

back to the picture, i guess we all strive to be that couple among the speed of light. to stop the time and get the chance to hold our breath or breathe out in relieve. but time is abstract, and so are we. 

all like a tangled up different coloured wool. 

freeze me, time.

respect the respectful

I have 10 teachers in IB to fulfill my 7 courses. Yet, there's only one who makes me want to tie him to a chair and burn the classroom. Call him Mr Pee. Like other conventionalists, he gets stung so easily when nudged with slightly offensive matters. Then through using his label as a teacher, he explodes and naturally gobbles up all the respect i had for him. Did i even start with any? 

Teachers like him make me realize the nature of respect. Are we forced to respect those in authority? Verbally, no. But technically, yes. Why do we have to respect TEACHERS? I understand why we have to respect our parents, grandparents. Without them, will we exist? But with other adults, I feel that in order to gain respect, i have to earn them. Despite that, when i feel that i am not gaining any respect from the opposition, then all courtesy is lost no matter who they are. 

Nevertheless, it doesn't and can't operate in that manner. They may say that they are not enforcing students to respect teachers, and therefore it should be in the students' nature to feel the need to be civil to their teachers. But once us, students, stretch a tiny bit further than the accepted boundaries, those teachers will get enraged. Final result will have a negative impact on the student, of course. 

Back to Mr. Pee. As to now, I have no respect for him whatsoever. He treats me appallingly and I am running out of patience. I am starting to intentionally forget that he is a teacher i am forced to be polite to and look at him as a human being. A human being who doesn't deserve any courtesy. 

My Precious

haa! funny.

i was fixing my profile and accidently put my birthday in the wrong order. when i clicked on view, i felt so angry cus it said that my astrology sign is libra. i went back and quickly changed it. so relieved when virgo appeared. 

am i the only or will everyone else feel insulted if they are labeled with the wrong astrology sign? 

Moving On.

since im moving forward with my life .. (got an offer from manchester uni!) 

tis about time i change my blog too. 

xanga was getting a bit too childish and hard to manage. 

wanna see my older posts? 

check out 'knees!' at www.xanga.com/niiis