the heart is what matters most of all.

-Kris Kristofferson

choux pastry heart

commitment; uni family relationship.

the first one is the worst, haa. just missed another class today due to misread schedules. the elevator took me away and i need to be grounded. i regret it, i actually like today's class.. we learn about the history of fashion. my previous blog stated that the past has no bond with the future. but i forgot to mention that the past also needs to be understood, but we have to live for the future. so, i guess i i need to close in on the neglected class. first priority.

i miss them so. 11,713.3 km laid between us, and i need to be by my sisters' side. the first one needs me, her lover is moving away. distance does ruin things, especially when there is no commitment. he's crazy about her and i'm so happy to hear that. i just want to give her a big cuddly hug for strength. the second one, she's blooming and im not there to witness. she's learning about new things without me :')

nownow, the third commitment: i'm rooted to the ground. but the other one's is split into two; the past and me. he slipped too. he says its me, but his safekeeping of the last always make me question it. how can one chooses the present when one's priorities show otherwise? 40 minutes phone calls, only to falsely finalise the relationship with me. he claims its his way of making her wipe the fingerprints off, but he's purblind. more attention --> moremoremoremoreanditwillneverend. there is no election required, but it hurts too much to be the second one to you.

i'm spun out too far, need to get the balance right again or it's going to be a raft below the falls.

unforgettable and the unexceptional.

get the order right, or its a floating population.

i find satellites funny. satellites circle around one focus but forbidden to even put a finger out on it. banned to stray away yet illegal to any contact.

ah, the writing got suspended. quack.

where was i? satellites... as i was saying, it has a lifetime too. you can't extend it too far or it'll crack. but so do i, remember that.

quackquack.

all that noise around here.

yea, i'll be true to you - no matter what you do.

one would assume that the past is faithful. you can never move or erase it. but what i understood was that it stays, right there. no attachment to the existing. but in this case, i guess it does.

i can live with one slip. but she moves like water through every crack, every gap until there is no more room for me to even gasp. how can i escape? what do you want? there is no green light for me but at the same time you won't let go of that chain on your back.

i know i dont need to be in his thoughts. i'll be fine with my own. but if this lane was to be settled on, im no chameleon no more. blending into the background, it's tiring. it'll be a rise and fall to flee his chamber but i'm willing to take the risk with two things in tow; time and space.

last thing, let me go.. i don't want to be discovered. one last camouflage and i'll reappear one day.

it's an empty shell.

don't stay there.................... i'm letting go.

magneticcccccc

it's 2010....

and people are still wondering why resolutions are hardly effective. an adjustment needs to be done. stop writing lists of things i wanna achieve. instead, dive in to do them. lists stuck on the fridge wont do me any good - but an act surely will. no more resolutions for me..

guess what, ive decided to rebuild the fence that came down sometime ago. just to be safe :)